Friday, February 22, 2008

Perspectives, choices, selfishness, pride...

Perspectives - 1 problem, a million viewing angles.
Choices - To choose to conform or stand firm?
Selfishness - To think of yourself, blame and condemn everyone else or be selfless and open-minded, accepting each person as they are without judgement?
Pride - To make selfish, biased choices out of pride, or to ignore the generational pride involved or make a stand against it?

Walk the walk and talk the talk? Responsible and wise? Truthful and trustworthy?

We've all been taught that.. but what happens when we grow up and are dumped into the ocean of vicious sharks? Where there is no concern for anything but their own survival?

You tell the truth, be rightous, fight for your stand, ignore your pride, be totally transparent. what happens? You get screwed over by the people you loved...the admiration and love you had for them slowly fades as you learn how selfish each of them are...

Then you look at yourself... darn! I'm cut and bruised! What am I doing? I abused myself to fit their mould? To get accepted? But who else will love me other than God if I make a stand to be myself? To disallow being pushed over?

Is this even right? I feel like a hypocryte myself! Am I fulfilling the purpose of my existance? I'm coming to God for the wrong reasons! praying for acceptance and for what? only to be slapped in the face at each selfish remark or action...

Wow...then comes that special someone who always sticks by you no matter what and is willing to take the blame for you... one who genuinly cares... one who you learn to love because of his selflessness... then you discover that if you opened your mind a little more, and didn't judge so fast as you previously did, somehow, more poeple who genuinely care for you come into your life... Then the self-abuse stops... and the love helps the relationship grow.... though no one is perfect, each accepts and loves one another for who they are.... words are nothing without action... thank you these special people, Mom, Dad, Mei, Shaneil, Kerry, Audrey, Jackqie, Swee Wei, Karen, Calyn, Carol, Beh, Daren, Amir, Kar Weng, Kent and oh so many more!

Sad to say, it is those beyond the "home" that truly truly let you be who you are...
The "home" minus all pointless politics is the place I truly want to be. Where I can serve and praise without being concious about being discriminated at every move... I want to be able to enter the "house" with a jouyous heart... to go not becuase of political reasons..... but no home is ever perfect....

Just as Jesus spent 40 days and nights in fasting and prayer, I will rest and take a break while I get my perspectives in place so that i don't once again act on impulse and fall terribly head over heel. I will take a break to consult and confide in my heavenly Father to get my perspectives into shape, and when I am ready, and if it is God's will, I will make my next move.

May God bless this journey.