Hope

Why so serious?

Because I've been hurt before. That's all :)

-De-

You are beautiful to me

It's so strange that it's you that can put the biggest happiest most sincere smile on my face but it's also you that can bore the deepest, widest hole in my heart?

And what's even stranger is that after all that, I still love you, still smile with you, hole in the heart and all... just as you love me...

Isn't it strange...

So now you know you are the one, and it's not just the idea of you.

"Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused."

Love,

-De-

Why I love

You want to know why and how I can still love after all this?

Know my God and you will see, you will understand and you will finally be able to love like I do, love like He does, and you will finally be able to receive love.

It's never about what you deserve, because we deserve nothing, nothing at all. It's about what He chooses to give to us and what we choose to give each other.

Love always conquers all, love heals it all, love helps us forgive.

Love comes from God, my God :)

-De-

The love knot

Now I know His reason for us to meet,

Now I know His reason for choosing you, her and I specifically,

Now I know the reason I was chosen to hear her story, and why I was chosen to hear yours,

Now I know His reason for all the pain I ever went through,

Now I know His reason for His timing,

It was so I could love you :)

Know that you are never never alone my sweetheart, we'll always be there for you.

Know that you are truly truly loved. Every morning, wake up and know that's a reason in itself to live already.

Lotsa love,

-De-

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close."

— Pablo Neruda (100 Love Sonnets: Cien sonetos de amor)

one day, it'll be with the one that feels right, is right and doesn't hurt...God will get me there when it's His time.

-De-

When it all changes.

No, tonight is the night I say no, I stop. Tonight, all and any at all even the smallest bit of it, if it exists, of lingering hope falls out of existence. Tonight everything changes because I want it to, because I choose to. Tonight I embrace and I step away, not push, just step away from the path you are walking in, and let you walk right past me.

Tonight is the night I look past the love, past what was, and see what is as it is. Tonight, I cut out the compassion to save myself first, as selfish as it may seem. I cannot be of help to others if I myself am down. Tonight I shut you out.

There is nothing I can do if you can't even acknowledge what you know is deep in your heart, if you can't look past the bitterness, if you can't look past the anger and hurt. Only God can help you, so may the grace of God be upon you and may His presence descend upon you. That's all I can pray for you right now.

As for me, God, keep my head straight please, keep it straight. No more, Lord, keep me strong.

Amen,

Denise

Soul Mate

“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.”

~Elizabeth Gilbert

In the end..

It was love, It is love and it always be love, and that's all that really matters, that's all that's really needed. Love, real real pure sweet love.

-De-

Words..

There's so much I'd like to say to you, so much I'd like you to feel... Not need to, just want to, but shouldn't and can't. So I'm just going to leave you a little smile, a prayer and a tiny bit of my heart right here for you... For that one day that you finally come to... Know that I loved you :)

Love,

-De-

There's too much to look forward to to look back..

But sometimes I do and I ache... I long to once again find that connection we made once upon a time, I ache to turn back time and fix all the problems, I ache to hold you close and love you again.. I long to find that man I fell in love with...

But that's hidden, changed and gone now. Things have all changed and all I can do is will myself to move on and look forward to what is to come.

These are the times where I need to beg, Lord hear my cry, and I know He will because no matter what I ever do, or whoever I ever become, no matter under what circumstances, He will always always love me for exactly who I am, and that's real real love...

So here, I thank you for the memories.

Thank you for Loving me.

Thank you for the beautiful memories to come.

Yours,

-De-

After all that..

Your soft spot still remains with me :)

De

I was me.

Tonight, I was empowered. I pleased no one but me. Thank you Lord, you are wonderful!

When will the war within you end?

The truth is, you only stopped crying when I said,

"It's ok baby, I'm here"

Cos I'm hero that way.. hehe...

Sometimes I feel like you're the toddler learning to walk. No worries, I'll catch you when you fall :) Just don't give up!

Lotsa Love,
-De-

The complication of simplicity

Sometimes, what you want compared to what you should do never really finds a comfortable balance.

In those times that I miss us like crazy and want to run back into your arms, I have to pray so hard for strength and replace that longing with sensibility.

It hurts..

But that's what you wanted.. for me to grow up.. for me to get ready for Australia.

No one ever said growing up was easy...

"Lord give me strength I beg of you, give me strength and joy, Lord. In your most Precious name, Amen."

I'll say a little prayer for you :)

Dear best friend,

It is today, that I woke up, and poison was strewn all across the coffee table.

I walked out to the balcony, looked up into the heavens and said "Thank you Lord for protecting me from this mess"

It is today I look at you with pity and compassion instead of honor, love, respect and commitment, and it is today I surrender you into God's hands, because he is the only one who can help you now. You and whoever you are pulling along with you. Friends, lovers, brothers...

You've changed. You are not the same person I fell in love with, the one who came to me because you wanted my help... you're different... a stranger in fact.. a lost stranger once again... We're back to square one. The broken person that needed help, just this time you don't want to admit it or accept it...

You are running to someone who will give you the answers you want to hear because I no longer do that, and I don't blame you because it's human, and you never like to lose, but it's not necessarily what's good for you. However, it is no longer my place to say, no longer my place to control. All I can do now is just be there for you when you fall because I am your best friend.

I've seen the real you, the unguarded sincere unpretentious you and I loved him, and he loved me with all his heart and that is why I gave him everything I could and I will always love him as he will always love me.. You think you are being true and I hope you are, but one day, you will realize it was all a lie once more because you constantly change your mind all the time like that.

Sometimes you say I don't see the big picture, and maybe I don't, but you don't see the things I do either.. sometimes I see different big pictures... sometimes I see the small elements along the way that eventually affect the big picture...

I see so so much potential in you. You are a natural born leader, and you can either lead nations to salvation or crumble them to the ground, and you seem to be doing the latter now..

You don't see the moral lines, you don't see your own reflection. You keep running away from it and I keep pulling you like a squirming child back to make you face it so that you will open your eyes and realize how silly this all is... you hate it, but it's what you need and you refuse to understand that. I have done all I can and now I surrender it all to God.

I will care for you as long as I can, as best as I can even though you don't want it because I know you need it, and I know it's good for you, but never again will I give you my heart the way I did because it is not yours, and I know that now.

You will always be welcomed into my embrace, you will always have my care, you will always be in my prayers and whenever you come crying to me, I will wipe your tears away and hold you tight, but I cannot give you my heart again.

I pray you will find salvation soon, because you have such a beautiful heart and you are such a beautiful person.

I regret nothing. We happened and it was beautiful and I thank you.

Here's my little prayer for you :-

"Dear Lord, I surrender him into Your hands. I beg Lord that you will help him. I love him beyond words and I know Lord, you are his only hope, the only solution. Father take over, Lord take my precious darling into Your almighty hands. I can no longer do this on my own, Lord help him, lead him and guide him. Thank you Lord for Your amazing grace. Thank you Lord for Your Salvation and wisdom. Thank you Lord. In your most precious name, Amen."

Love,

-De-

23/11/10

Hello, my name's Denise, what's yours?

We LIVED, we LOVED, We LAUGHED. Today, We DIED.

-Denise-

15/11/2010

Hello, my name's Denise, what's yours?

- You lose yourself when you lose your morals and your God, and for this reason I pray I never lose mine again, and I pray you will find yours soon -

(Denise Chhoa, 2010)

Mary Poppins

I am your Mary Poppins as much as you are mine.

Love,

Your little gypsy

Whaaaat

Whaaat in the world were you thinking??!

Because I can

I will crush you bitch.

Confused

Sometimes, life really sucks.

Once upon a time, there was me...

Everyone has their limits... what's mine anymore?

Metamorphosis

-In order to find yourself, you have to first kill yourself-

New knowledge, New Direction, New Resolution

With new knowledge comes new direction and new resolutions.

-De, 15 September 2010-

Darling,

I will love you with all my heart while I can, because you deserve it, because you want it and because you care. I will show you that you can love once again and show you that there is such thing as a beautiful ending.

This sweet summer love will bring us unforgettable memories that we will treasure for life.

I love you, my Honey Bun

Love,

Your Sugar Pie

Love strikes again...

I can be anyone you want me to be, but you want me to be me... who am I anymore?

Life has such a funny way of slapping Karma back into your face...

Have a beer?

De

When days are interesting..

Today is the day:-

1. That I woke up feeling less empty...
2. Woke my boyfriend up late...
3. Almost had a car accident with a colleague...
4. Got confronted by the above mentioned colleague...
5. Wore a piece of clothing I thought was a dress but got asked why I for got my pants...
6. Was told I didn't need to go for a meeting I prepared so hard for...

But I'm still smiling....

This is what you call, bordering insanity :D

De

The next Chapter

When you move on to the next chapter of a book, you never really forget he previous chapter, instead, you have a better understanding of the story and moving on to the next chapter is the most logical step forward.

But you never forget the previous chapter....

De

As Shaneil would say "Because the world is round..."

Short Update:

Yeah, I have been abandoning my blog.... why? "because the world is round..." and because I can.

But today I am sitting in my office 2 hours earlier than usual and I figured, oh well :D

So a little update of my life, I am now a PR executive in Arc PR of Leo Burnett, waiting for my internship results so I can friggin graduate, and looking to buy a camera. Yes, I know these are totally unrelated subjects, but hey, it's my blog right? :)

Suggestions anyone? G11 or LX3?

Bah, let the work begin!

God bless everyone!!!!