So what happens when your heart is screaming in pain.. when you feel all your dreams are mocking you, when somehow, mad things you used to do with your friends all come with an attachment of " I have a bad feeling about this", When you feel even God is laughing at you, saying "See, break your promise. Very good. Now let me torture you." When you wake and feel empty, when everything you do seems to be monotonous and dull.. when food is no longer appetizing... when the one you love seems like a memory.. nothing but just a memory... when all you feel is... numbness...
Yes. It has been a horrible month and a week of emptiness since Shaneil left, with the exception of the few days spent with the family in KK.
I hate Long Distance Relationships. They tear you apart, crushes you, makes you feel sick, lonely and miserable.... and yet you have to smile. Smile. Smile. Smile to pass, smile to not kill other's moods, smile so others don't worry..smile to try and convince yourself you're ok.
So what happens now? What's next? What happened? A part of her died at a certain point..when she decided to be strong, when she decided to be independent, when she decided to move on... but yet something kept prompting her not to harden or rebuild the barrier her lover had almost succeeded in breaking..
Every time she heard his voice she softened, gave in...but never really totally.. she wonders how she'll feel when he's finally physically next to her.. he already feels like a familiar stranger....it's so strange... but yet not at all.
She has been, and is confused, overemotional and just lost.
I'm just me...
I'm not that strong....
6 days ago
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