Friday, August 10, 2007

Keep turning the pages...each one's different..












One day you are conservative, responsible, the perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect friend....then the next minute you're feeling rebelious, singing your heart out on a public bus, in front of people and strangers, doing things your parents dont approve of, slack and procrastinate in your work, let friends down.

One minute you're brave and well composed, next you're crying your eyes out......

One minute you're scared of learning a new instrument, of failing, of letting people hear your mistakes, next, you're actually enjoying learning the instrument, craving for more of it......

One minute you're determined to change, next, you dont care...one minute you love your life, next you hate it....

One minute you feel God in your life, the next you feel so empty.....

One minute you feel beautiful, then you turn around and you see such an ugly person in the mirror....

One minute you greet people so confidently and un-shyly, next you're walking with your head down, eyes in the floor...

One minute you dont care bout culture, next, it becomes so important....




One minute you make sure your diet is follwed, next you stuff your face with food...

One minute you tell yourself something is wrong, next you're doing it, and it's feels fun and right...

One minte you feel so alive, next you feel so dead tired....

One minute everything seems right, next, it's so wrong.....

So who am I actually? What am I? Which am I?? Why cant I just have one type of personality? Why not either, or? Do I want to have one personality? Would it be boring?

Haih.... I think it's just best to love what God has made me, created me to be...the gifts He's blessed me with, the family He's put me into, the friends He's given me. I should take my mistakes and learn from them...I should slap myself into reality.. open my eyes to the world beyond Denise.... change my views and perspectives of life....stop being so selfish... the world doesn't revolve around me right??

But I cant carry everyone else's monkey... I'm not strong enough..

OH NO!!!! uh!!! I'm doing it agian!!!!

OH GOD!!!! please, please.... HELP ME!!!!!

I dont even know who I am.....

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes you are confusing yourself stop doing that!

Take life step by step and follow His directions. Life is too big and too full of stuff for us to comprehend it all. So take it day by day, and follow your heart, after you know He's in your heart.

No matter what you do, how it is deemed, it's where your heart was when you did it.

An ill intention leads to an ill result, but a good intention, even though methods are unorthodox, leads to good results :)

Oh, and if you knew who you were, you'd be God, so don't beat yourself up answering that question :P

Jacqkie Rowena said...

hey babe. i dont know if this will make you feel better but I dont think anyone knows who they are. like deep down inside.

Honestly speaking i've been searching for myself up and down either. believe me, it's best if you keep looking instead of actually knowing who you really are.

because they are so many aspects to it. you're a wonderful friend, you're a christian, you're a daughter, you're a student.. the list just goes on.

I understand what you mean, i really do. and i'll always be there for you. :)

Anonymous said...

D, you're a girl... and from that piece, I'd say growing up is what you are...

SaD.jc

Anonymous said...

SaD.jc: You guy! Haha.

J-mes said...

Hey denise...tug it up...its ok to question, but always remember who you are..ur God's creation, and mind you again God does no mistakes..No, if he makes mistakes He is not God at all.

You are his child, the apple of his eye. His precious princess...take heart, everything happen for a reason -romans8:28- be strong...only when u admit ur weakness than can God prefect his strength in your weakness. Yea?

Don't search yourself, because of imperfection, we can never understand, but instead set ur focus and eyes on God, seek him, look for him high and low..if u search him with all ur heart, u WILL find him. Trust me...Trust God

sHanNa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sHanNa said...

hehehe~ =)
let me apply something which i've learned during the lecture...
according to ur case study... u're having identity confusion right now and it's very very common among teens... and u're trying to find urself or ur worth in this society.. so.. no worries... u'll be fine later... don't think too much and don't dwell things over... u are perfectly fine and normal... love ur pics! hahaha! -_-" *sweat*
take care~ miss u!