God's gift....."it can be so painful"

No, i wont give up, I wont run away.. but there's so much pain..so much stress...
Blanketed personality.. oh how it suffocates me.. Chokes me till I tear.... The air ,tense and clouded by misunderstnading is stifling...the anger heats me up till beads of pespiration wets the blanket so that it clings on harder to my face...the tears of fear and terror falling from my eyes make things worse, so i stop crying. I try to calmly think of a way of escape... why not move my arms to pull off this blanket? I try.... the numbness takes that ability away...still.. I'm trained to be strong. With much determination...

Finally, I feel my hands moving, then my arms. Does this mean escape? Freedom? My heart lifts only to be dissappointed again... no, i was decieved... the more I move, the more tangled I get..NO NO!! what am I doing?! my hands just wont stop! I try to control the situation, but all the oxygen is cut off! I cant breathe! I cant think! No. I must not cry. I must not cry....Tears flow down, and I curse myself for being weak... My lungs sting and burn from the lack of air, my body out of control...Surpressed, I struggle so hard my eyes roll to the back of my head... i see nothing but black... There is a light in the distance...A light of hope... But why cant i reach towards it? Im pinned into this spot....

Why do I still choose to love when all I get is pain in return? Why is the message preached but not taken to heed? Why do we blame our cultures and others for mistakes that we make? Why are we humble yet proud? Why say we love, but stomp each other into the ground?

Why do we have to be limited by rumours and stereotypes? Why is there no more unconditional love? No respect, no manners, no loyalty, all sefishness and greed.. 'What's best for me' , 'How will I benefit from this?' Why do people have to challenge everything and anything? Is it because they are critical thinkers, or is it just to protect an ego? I dont know... I really dont.. I dont want to know.... It's too tiring to find out...

Strong i was born, strength was embedded in me, and strength I will show, stifling as this blanket is.

I refuse to conform to what society wants me to be, not because I'm rebellious, but because I chose to be me. God made me as I am, and that's who I shall be.

Lord, I cannot do this alone....You are my light, my hope, my air. Come and save me Lord, come into my heart. Take control of my body Lord, for mine it is not. *Help..*